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The Delicacy [19 Mar 2014|11:00pm]
I am well-worn and fragile
like a book found for free
at the white elephant sale
and I am still
hardly even worth it.

Faded,
yellowed,
and difficult to read.
These pages tear when they turn.

Sometimes it seems safer
skipping to the end.
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They Call It A Pouch [27 Jan 2013|02:24am]
every day it's the same dream
broken brakes breaking bricks
and a sudden
screeching
scraping
peace of mind.

when I wake up
I write it down
a blank page
that I read
over
and
over
and
over

again.
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[22 Oct 2012|06:31pm]
One, two, three.
Usually they pass
but today it's
one-two-three
and I can feel my heart swell
in that good-way bad-way
where my chest tightens and grows
and the pressure starts breaking my bones
but in that good-way bad-way
where I'm happy
but
ready to retreat
to keep us free
from feeling
upside-down
from the
one-two-three
but you,
sweet tether,
keep me grounded,
with those
one-two-three
little words
I've done nothing to deserve.
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[15 Apr 2012|07:30pm]
Went out on a date with Vinny last night. Pad thai and fried ice cream will never cease to make me happy.

So only a few more weeks of school and only a few more months at the apartment. It's a bummer to be moving back home (especially away from my lovely ginormous room) but it's the most cost-efficient. I'll miss my room, but you know what I'll miss the most? Pierrogies. Definitely not Lauren.

SPEAKING OF LAUREN, kind off... tangentially... I can't wait for ASOB next month. I feel like it came up so quickly! Finally a show I can lose my mind over! I need to buy a ticket for the Danbury/FAD date too.

Tomorrow I need to register for classes. I also need to do some homework for dear Stanislaw. I also need to do dishes but that's at the bottom of the list and the bottom of the sink and thus the least of my worries.
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[03 Feb 2012|09:09am]
I woke up at about 4:30 and couldn't sleep for an hour or two.

Then I had nightmares within nightmares.

Inception is no longer a cool movie.
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Dreams. [16 Dec 2011|02:01am]
I had a pretty upsetting dream last night. It was really frightening.

Josh picked me up in his jeep and he explained he needed to go somewhere. He told me his cousin had been walking to work and was hit by a car, and Josh needed to visit his grave. We got to the cemetery and Josh calls out a name or something. It's silent.

We're walking down the rows and all of a sudden I see a dark shape. I realize it's a dog. The dog runs up to me and only now do I notice it's teeth are bared. It's growling and someone starts shouting at me to stand still. When I look into its eyes, it starts barking and nearing. Someone screams to not look in its eyes. Eventually Josh jumps on it and leads the dog away by his collar and yells for me to run for the jeep.

I thought I'd remembered more but I guess I forgot. No complaints.
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[18 Nov 2011|01:21am]
I don't know what I expected
but I guess I had expected more
than half-assed scribbles
telling me
my grandfather's death
was cliche.
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[17 Nov 2011|10:43am]
"You're frightening when you're sleeping. You most remind me of a bear, actually. A lithe, beautiful, leggy bear." - Olivia "Loveofmylife" DelGiudice.
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Books I aim to read. [20 Oct 2011|11:56am]
I'm working on finishing "One Day", and hoping to read a lot more often. Trying to keep a list of what I want to read.

Siddhartha - Hesse
Lolita - Nabokov
Hunger Games
More Tom Robbins
Infinite Jest - David Foster Wallace
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Last Role [19 Oct 2011|07:29pm]
I kissed you gently,
just above the bandage that sat
just above your eye,
careful so as not to break anything.

You weren’t entirely there.
It had eaten your lungs
and torn out your hair,
starved you
and beaten you.

The strength you held onto
you used to hold my hand.

There was no comfort
no conclusion.
no solace
and no script
to tell me how to say goodbye.

You brought my hand
to where your cheek had sunken in,
between the tumors
and cancers,
and I learned that death was not glamorous.

You told me you would see me again
somewhere
some place

sometime
somehow

somewhere

some place.
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The Dog Days of Someone [02 Oct 2011|08:34pm]
I feel the heat on my face.
I’m melting.

Above me the dinosaurs are alive and well,
they never die, never sleep,
and neither do I.

The monsters live below,
far below the bellows of my bed.
They tear out their children’s hearts,
and they tear at mine.

I walk among the dead day to day,
but no one is begging for brains.
I’m force-fed facts
and asked to throw them back up.

I am a good dog.
I bury my bone,
and bury the hatchet,
and forgive,
and forget
what it’s like to be human.
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[27 Sep 2011|01:22am]
I sat on the roof of the old red car,
and the moon sweetly smiled at me,
and I gave her my best,
and I felt truly blessed,
just to feel and to know I was free.

The winds whispered soft and they told me their ways,
and they spoke of the day that we met,
they were so proud to see,
who I grew up to be,
and I smiled, free from all regret.


Unfinished poem from class. Bleh.
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FUUUUUUCK [02 Jun 2011|01:19am]
FUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUU
UUUUUUCK
.

My problems are so small, yet so significant to me.

Why would you fall for me now?

Bastard.
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INVENTORY [14 May 2011|12:40am]
Game Boy Color
Game Boy Color/Advance link cable
Game Boy Color GameShark
Championship Motocross 2001
Frogger
Frogger 2
Hamtaro
Kirby's Tilt 'n' Tumble
Pokemon Blue
Pokemon Crystal
Pokemon Gold (x2)
Pokemon Puzzle Challenge
Pokemon Red
Pokemon Silver (x2, one working)
Stuart Little
Super Mario Bros. Deluxe
Tetris
Tetris Attack
Zelda: Link's Awakening
Game Boy Advance SP
Mario & Luigi Superstar Saga
Zelda: Four Swords

...Where is Pokemon Pinball hiding?
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[28 Mar 2011|10:11am]
Those who make the greatest impacts leave the largest voids.

http://newhavenindependent.org/index.php/archives/entry/_itchell_dubey_memorial/

It's been a hard couple of days. I never even thought something like this would be possible but I was proved wrong. I'm not invincible anymore.

RIP Mitch.
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... [24 Mar 2011|01:35am]
Notable finds while clearing out my room:

- Hit Clips Stereo, with 'All Star' still in it. Yes, it still works.
- Gameboy games: Pokemon Silver (my original, first copy), Stuart Little, TETRIS ATTACK.
- Gameboy accessories: Attachable light, Pikachu GBC bag, screen magnifier, Pokemon silver instruction booklet.
- Pokemon: Cards, flip cards, figurines (Alakazam, Mewtwo, Lugia, Totodile, Jolteon, Dragonite)
- Tons of drawing pads.
- Journal from when I was 7. One entry: "Sometimes I think theres goena be a crash when I am in the bus and Im am going to die"
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2k10. A RECAP. ...survey... [05 Jan 2011|11:53pm]
2010 : In The Beginning

Where did you go on New Years?
Vinny's and then Fidam's.

Who were you with?
Vinny and his friends.

Did you kiss anyone on new years?
Yep.

Did you make any resolutions?
None that I remember... haha.

2010 : All about YOU

Did you change at all this year?
I think so?

Did you dye your hair?
Yes! Red!

Did you get your hair cut?
Probably a few.

Did you change your style?
Nothing noticeable. More dresses probably.

Were you in school?
Yep.

Did you get good grades?
I think so. My GPA is sitting pretty.

Did you have a job?
Colonial Market for a while.

Did you drive?
While Freddie (the) Mercury was still alive, yep. I took mom's car after his untimely passing.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
No. ...Not that I know of...

Did you move at all?
Into the dorm, if that counts.


Did you go on any vacations?
I went to Maine!

Did you leave the country at all?
Nope.

2010 : Your Love Life

Did you break up with anyone?
Nope.

Did you fall in love?
Still falling. ahhhh.

2010 : Friends and Enemies

Did you meet any new friends this year?
Yep.

Did any of your friendships end?
Not that I can think of.

Did you dislike anyone?
I go to Southern. Dear god yes.

Did you make any new enemies?
That kid with the dumb satchel. I want to fight him.

Did you resolve any fights?
Tried.

Who was your closest friend?
Vinny.

Did you grow apart from anyone?
Yeah.

Did you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships?
This year? Not really.

In 2010 I...

[ ] fallen out of love
[x] lied
[ ] went behind your parents back
[ ] disappointed someone close
[ ] hid a secret
[x] pretended to be happy
[x] kissed in the snow
[ ] slept under the stars
[ ] kept your new years resolution
[x] forgot your new years resolution
[ ] met someone who changed your life
[ ] met one of your idols
[ ] changed your outlook on life
[x] sat home all day doing nothing
[x] pretended to be sick
[ ] left the country
[ ] almost died
[ ] given up something important to you
[ ] lost something expensive
[ ] learned something new about yourself
[ ] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it
[x] made a change in your life
[ ] found out who your true friends were
[x] met great people
[x] stayed up til sunrise
[x] cried over the silliest thing
[ ] was never home on weekends
[ ] got into a car accident
[x] had friends who were drifting away from you
[ ] had someone close to you die
[ ] had a high cell phone bill
[x] spent most of your money on food
[ ] had a fist fight
[ ] went to the beach with your best friend
[x] saw a celebrity
[x] gotten sick
[ ] liked more than 5 people at the same time
[ ] stayed single for the whole year
[x] celebrated Halloween/Samhain
[ ] broke someone else's heart
[ ] had a stalker
[ ] mooned someone
[ ] went over the minutes on your cell phone
[x] had a good relationship with someone
[x hahaha] someone questioned your sexual orientation
[ ] came out of the closet
[ ] had an abortion
[x] done something you've regretted
[ ] kissed under mistletoe
[ ] painted a picture
[x] wrote a poem
[ ] ran a mile
[ ] shopped at Hollister
[ ] posted a blog on MySpace
[ ] listened to music you couldn't stand
[x] went to a sleepover
[x] laughed till you cried
[ ] laughed till you peed in your pants
[ ] visited a foreign country
[ ] cut in a line of waiting people
[x] told someone you were busy when you weren't





1. Have you had any relationships this year?
1

2. Have you had your birthday yet?
...Well, if this is 2010 survey than yes.

3. Kissed two or more people in the same night?
Nope.

4. Been hurt?
Yeah.

5. Pulled an all nighter?
Kind of?

6. Drank Starbucks?
Oh man Liv that stupid caramel apple drink has got me addicted to starbucks again.

7. Tried something new?
Yes.

8. Bought something(s)?
Shop therapy.

9. Met someone special who changed your life?
Not this year.

10. Been out of the province?
Eh?


Intimate Details on '10..



What are you thinking about?
Blue Valentine and seeing it.

Have you drank alcohol this year?
At about 3 AM on new years I paid homage to the captain after we all decided we weren't drunk enugh.

Would you get married if you could right now?
Nope. Not ready.

How did you feel when you woke up today?
A little embarrassed I'd slept for 12 hours.

Are you good at hiding your feelings?
No, but I'm good at denying.

Could you ever be friends with someone that broke your heart?
Yes, but it would take a lot of time.

If you could change your eye color would you?
I want green eyes like fuck.

Who did you last get into a big argument with?
Probably Vinny? Or Matt.

Have you ever had a really big fight with best friend(s)?
Yeah.

Do you like to have long hair or short hair?
Short.

Are you over the age of 25?
No thank god.

Would you be able to tell someone you love them, even if you didn't feel it?
No. That just sounds reallllly uncomfortable.

How do you currently make your money?
Fuckin bitches.

Do you want to get married & have children one day?
Maybe?

Which of your friends do you argue with the most?
Lauren.

Have you kissed anyone in the last 4 hours?
No.

How many texts are in your inbox?
14. Just emptied her out.

Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you?
Yes. :)

Who was your last text message from ?
Vinny!

Who was the last person you rode in a car with?
Madre.

When was the last time you cried really, really hard?
I don't remember. Not too long ago.

Would you rather smile over a lie or cry over the truth?
Cry. I'm all about catharsis, bro.

What’s on your bedroom floor right now?
So much crap. Mostly books.

Do you trust people too easily?
I don't know. I think "trust" is a vague verb.

Are you satisfied with what you currently have in life?
Satisfied? No. Happy? Yes.

Have you ever liked someone a lot older than you?
Haha. YEAH. Let me tell you about those...

Last thing you ate?
Ditalini!

How many people are you texting?
I'm IMing two?

Will you be in bed within twenty minutes?
...Possibly...zzz.

What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had?
Pomegranate juice! 100%! POM!

Could you ever forgive a cheater?
Depends but I'm gonna say 90 percent no.

Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
No.

Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?
Yes.

Have you told anybody you loved them today?
I think so.

Do you make every decision in your life like your parents are watching?
NOPE.

Have you ever gotten the butterflies?
Who hasn't?

Is there anyone that you care more about than yourself?
Yes.

Do you get snow where you live?
Holla at Frosty.

Do you believe in love?
Yes.

This year have you ever been heartbroken?
No.

Do you think 2011 will be better?
Maybe?
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Sleep [25 Nov 2010|05:51pm]
By morning
the ghosts are always gone.

But when you wake,
you remember,
and they live.

And it seems as though you never will.
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Cooooookiesss [14 Nov 2010|10:17pm]
Where was the very first kiss you had with the last person you kissed?
It was at Town Beach at sunset. :)

Are you texting anybody?
Not at the moment!

What were you doing at 9:30 last night?
I was just arriving to Union Station.

Are you listening to music right now?
Not at the moment!

Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
Not really.

Do you curse in front of your parents?
Yep.

Target gift card or Hollister gift card?
Target.

Concert tickets or NFL game tickets?
Well, that totally depends on the concert... But I do really want to see the Bears...

Has anyone seen you kiss the last person you kissed?
Definitely.


Looking back, did you ever waste too much time on a someone that treated you badly?
Yep. What a waster.

Have you hugged someone within the last week?
Yessir!

Do you have a facebook?
Mhm.

If you could push one person off a mountain, who would it be?
Hitler?

Are you a couple with the last person you kissed on the lips?
AW HELL YEAH.

Are you addicted to cigarettes?
AW HELL NAW.

Do you tell your parents everything?
God no.

How many times have you been cursed at?
Can people really keep record of this?

What's your relationship with the last person you texted?
World's Best Couple 2010 and Beyond

Did you cry at all today?
I think when I woke up my eyes were all teary from sleep.

Do you like to get your nails done?
Yes. ): I need a manicure.

Will your next kiss be a mistake?
I hope not.

If something was wrong, who is the first girl you would go to?
Livdee or Lauren.

Do you think there’s a difference between the word ‘best friend’ and ‘friend?’
Yes.

Do you have any nicknames?
SQZN. All night. Every night. (Well, not every night, but almost every night.)

When is the next time you will kiss someone?
Tomorrow? :3

Have you ever been engaged?
Nope.

Who was last person in your bed besides you?
Mr. Vincent.

What's your mood?
None-too-excited about class registration.

You have any pets?
ARTHUR. And Shadow-pie!

Are you hungry?
Well, no not really. Do I want to eat food? Yep. Cookies. OH MAN I HAVE SOME TOO. THANKS SURVEY! I totally forgot.

Whats today's date?
November 14th, 2010.

Are you cold at this very moment?
Nope. I'm fairly comfortable.

Are you older than the last person you kissed?
Nope.

Have you ever been out of state?
I hope so.

Have you ever looked at the stars with someone?
Yeah. That was a nice night.

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
HELL YEAH. That makes me cool.

Have you ever woke up crying from a bad dream?
No. Damn. That must be awful.

What are you listening to?
The sound of the television and loud girls next door.

Do you have a good relationship with your mother?
The best relationship.

Does anyone hate you?
Well probably.

What are you going to do tonight?
EAT COOKIES. Go to sleep soon. Wake up at 5.

Do you usually tell people when you're mad at them?
I try to but sometimes I do it by my actions. Which isn't intentional. I tend to mull over whether its logical or reasonable to be angry at the person but I still avoid them in the process.

Honestly, how is your heart lately?
BEATIN'!

Are you waiting for a phone call?
No.

What hurts right now?
My neck and head. And the roof and corner or my mouth.

What was the last thing you cooked?
Vinny and I made tofurky/fake-on sammiches in the oven. Yum!

Whats the first thing you heard this morning?
The sound of Vinny's iPhone alarm. Which is similar to the sound of a nuclear meltdown.

Could you go a month without talking to your best friend?
Nope. That boy's just too darn cute.

Are there any bruises on your body that are the result of your own stupidity?
There probably will be after blanket-wrestling this morning.
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[08 Nov 2010|03:54pm]
Opening Credits:
The Patron Saint of Liars and Fakes - Fall Out Boy
(Uh oh. A tragedy!)

Waking Up:
S.O.S. - Kid Dynamite
(PUNK AS FUCK or something)

First Day At School:
One Two - The Cool Kids
(This is the funniest image ever and its so great.)

Falling In Love:
This Charming Man - The Smiths
(Pretty sure this is so not fitting.)

Losing Virginity:
Me and My Hand - Broken Social Scene
(...WELL THIS IS A LITTLE AWKWARD.)

Fight Song:
Worry Rock - Green Day
(It actually kind of works?)

Break up:
Train Under Water - Bright Eyes
(Aww.)

Prom:
"FRRRREEEEE BIIIIIIIRRRRD!!!!!! FRRRRREEEEEEEEE BIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRDDDDD!!!!!!!" - BTMI!
(..?)

Life:
Time Spent Breathing - My Heart To Joy
(Well, yeah, I guess.)

Mental Breakdown:
Cousins - Vampire Weekend
(Crazy.)

Driving:
Reto - The Network
(...)

Flashback:
3rd Planet - Modest Mouse


Getting Back Together:
Atoms - Nana Grizol


Wedding:
Bright Lights - The FAD
(HAHAHA. YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!)

Birth of Child:
Nervous Rex - Laura Stevenson

Final Battle:
Gonna Find You - Operation Ivy
(HAHA. Who am I fighting? My middle school principal?)

Death Scene:
Darkest Heart - Andrew Jackson Jihad

Closing Credits:
Giving My Hands Away - My Heart To Joy
EPIC.

Thanks Aaron for wasting 20 minutes of my life. <3
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